The society has predetermined standards for assessing people even without regard to individual differences or prevailing circumstances. If someone tells you a person is nice, please be generous with praises for the person. It sounds easy but it is not easy to be nice. You can reserve further questions till later but ask questions as to the qualities deserving the compliments so you can also learn.
If you tell me someone is not nice, I will ask you to indulge me with your definition of nice before I can form an opinion over your own opinion and not make a mistake of generalisation. People are different, and so are their beliefs, orientation and experiences. Some people choose unique approaches to humanity and they are discreet about it. Some others pride themselves as people persons, whereas they are people pleasers.
People persons are not afraid of being wrong, they stay true to themselves even when the road seems deserted but they are humble enough to admit when they find out that they are wrong. They don’t crave to be loved by everyone but they end up being loved for who they are. People persons love and care for others but they set boundaries as a mark of respect for themselves.
People pleasers choose others over self in search of acceptance and validation. They crave love over dignity and self respect, forgetting that dignity and self respect can ultimately birth unfiltered love. Most times, they lose all three. People pleasers find comfort on the fence, they wear a toga of multiple identity because they want to be correct at all times. They live in self-denial even when it is obvious.
A people person focuses on impact, not on applause. He focuses on solution and not the problem. He gets things done, not for recognition but the output announces itself. He makes sacrifices not for show but for outcome. His eyes remain on the ball even in the face of distractions. He lets go when the job is done and preserves his strength for the next adventure.
A people pleaser spends more time convincing others beyond what is obvious. He sacrifices his inner peace for other people’s pleasure and revels in the feeling of heroism. As a result, he burns out easily because he wants to prove a point. He forgets that a point that was genuinely made needs no further proof. He relishes a borrowed identity that is larger than life.
Those who live on their own terms are the freest human beings. Truth is constant and, sometimes, brutal. It is impossible for everyone to like you. If anyone tells you that everybody likes you, please check. You may be a people pleaser but not a people person. They look and sound alike but there is a world of difference.
Craving to be loved by everyone is a panacea for an identity crisis. If you act and speak to be loved by all at all times, it is either you are not saying the truth sometimes or you are not saying the truth at all times. You can be a people person without trading off your inner peace. Give people a voice but not necessarily a vote. Respect others but don’t disrespect yourself.
©️ Akin Oluwadare Jnr.
10 August 2026
