It is rare to find a person who agrees that he is not a good person. At least, I am yet to see one. We all have our motives for behaving the way we do and most often we find ourselves defending our actions even when we are wrong.
The most hardened criminal has a reason behind his actions but he answers to every other good name but a criminal. You can call him a criminal but he does not see himself as one until he is made to answer for his crime.
Nations stand up against nations but gather every year to sit in a disunited United Nations General Assembly (UNGA) to address matters arising in a dysfunctional world where every nation defends her position with reasons that sound good but not necessarily right.
You and I pick holes in the behaviour of the other person in a manner that suggests that everyone else, but you and I, is wrong. You probably wonder why this is so? Allow me to borrow a piece of your time and I can hazard a guess on which you and I can ponder.
Think for a moment how frustrating it could be when you try to change a person whom you think does some things in a wrong way but who doesn’t see things the way you see it. The awkward way you think of him is, most probably, the same way he thinks of you.
This brings me to the core of my message. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to change someone who is comfortable in his dysfunction. You may try but you will not achieve it for the simple reason that change requires awareness.
Before you start thinking of a specimen individual who matches my description above, this piece is not to him but to you, the reader, and even me, the author. If you want to change anything, you have to, not only be aware, but also admit that there is need for a change. Only then can any change occur.
The awareness can come from someone so distant. It could be from a mere acquaintance. It could be from a friend and confidant. It could also be from someone you hold so dearly. Of all these, self awareness triggers action the quickest and attracts the energy to follow through.
Until you become uncomfortable with the present state, change rarely happens. The more you deny and keep defending the reality, the less the possibility of doing anything to change it. The mind surrenders to your convictions and your energy flows towards what you believe.
Oftentimes, we operate under the illusion that we can change people when we focus on the wrong things. People behave in certain ways because of what they believe. Don’t try to change anyone. If you are able to change their perspective and what they believe, you have done enough.
What then is the takeaway? If you are comfortable in your dysfunction, nothing will ever change. The most magnificent edifice was once a sketch on paper, remember? If you don’t start, you cannot finish but to start with, you have to be aware. Change requires awareness.
Another Monday is here, do have a good start. Thank God it’s Monday.
©️ Akin Oluwadare Jnr.
19 October 2026
