Author: admin

If men were God, the speedy effect of apology would have been magical but because man is not God, it is not easy for him to forgive as quickly as God does. God is quick to forgive the biggest sin but not same with man. Sometimes, apology travels slowly. One of the most insensitive things I’ve seen people do is to berate someone who has been offended for not forgiving quickly. Sometimes, we say the person should forgive and forget. After all, apology has been tendered. How easy is it to forget? I often wonder. Depending on the magnitude of hurt, some wounds take time to heal, even when apology has been tendered. To be conscious of this is to be slow to say or do things that inflict wounds on others when it is within our control.

This is true life story. It should be about five years ago. I remember it was somewhere around Iju Ishaga in Lagos. I was alone in the car, enjoying the sweet melodies from Commander Ebenezer Obey’s collections. Imagine one of those weekend jigs when all you want to do is unwind. I just pulled out of a temporary parking on the roadside and about to do a U turn at a small opening on a dualised road. I had checked my side mirror and everything looked safe. The other side of the road was free and my mind was already at my destination. All these was in a flash. My foot was on the accelerator, ready to move. The collision would have been heavy. It might even have been fatal because the car coming behind me was on top speed. A second look beyond my shoulder saved me what could have been a calamity. I escaped what would have been a terrible accident that never was. Looking back, all I can say is to God be the glory. If you underwent training by a driving instructor, most probably you would have heard about blind spot before. If you are one of those who started driving before you got your driving license like me, you may not have heard about it but let me just say beware of the blind spot. What is a blind spot? A blind spot is an area in your range of vision that you cannot see properly but which you really should be able to see. In driving parlance, it is that spot that is too close for your side mirror to capture any image behind you. The area just behind your shoulders is often a blind spot.

It takes discipline for anyone to accept criticisms, even when the criticisms are constructive and objective. Very few people, if at all, enjoy to hear from people who don’t share their views on any matter. An average human being would prefer to hear himself through others who share his own views. As close as your nose is to your eyes, you will need the help of another person to see a spot on your nose except you use the mirror. A possible interpretation here is to say that the closest person to you may not be the person you need most if you care to know how well you are doing. It is the most natural thing for one to surround himself with people whom he loves and who love him in return. How would someone enjoy hearing from those who don’t like him? But he honestly needs to. It sounds like a contradiction but that is what it is. Most of your loved ones would dress the truth in sweet words and rather tell you what makes you happy to keep the fire of friendship burning. There are times you need more than that. Someone said that truth doesn’t have to be bitter and I totally agree but if you care to know undiluted truth, you need more than your fans. The truth you need to navigate stormy waters may not come from the most familiar source.

Nigerians are unique in every sense but if we pretend that we operate a normal society, then the truth is not in us. Nigeria was great and can be great again, only that the long journey to greatness would require some internal cleansing by all of us. The first time I began to query the ‘Nigerianness’ in Nigerians was way back in 2007. I was on a return journey from Dallas, USA to Lagos after the summer holidays with my family. The journey was enroute London and the transit from Dallas to London was peaceful and orderly. The journey from London to Lagos was different. All hell was let loose when it was time to board, as passengers scrambled for space from the lounge to the aircraft. In awe, my younger son who was barely three years old then asked me why the rush, after all we all had our seats already allocated to us. As much as I would have loved to tell my son the truth, the deep-seated love in my heart wouldn’t let me denigrate my country that I hold so dearly. I parried the question and distracted my son so I wouldn’t have to lie. The answer to his question was that we had more Nigerians onboard and we were getting closer to Nigeria, where orderliness is such a big deal.

You may think it is one of those things but I can tell you that an average human being feels more accepted wherever he can communicate effectively. Communication is two way, it involves not only hearing, but being heard. I used to attend a particular church when I arrived Lagos after my service year. The church had a considerable balance of the major ethnic nationalities, at least in the southern part of the country. I really can’t tell if it was by coincidence but it happened that the choir was predominantly populated by a particular ethnic nationality, even though the presiding pastor is of another ethnic nationality. Gradually but consistently, praise and worship sessions became so skewed to a particular native tongue that the rest of us who don’t speak the language were left to enjoy only the rhythm of the melodious music coming from the choir, even when we didn’t understand the message.