If you have ever carried out an instruction coated with ambiguity when there is a deadline to meet, you would appreciate the importance of clarity in communication. You may think you have communicated when the key words for follow up action are kept within you and you wonder what went wrong when the deadline is missed or when what you ordered is different from what you got.
Children are better at clear communication. You would be taking a risk if you leave a child to assume what you mean without spelling it out word for word for better understanding. You may also be over-estimating the capacity of an adult to think for himself and think for you when you fail to communicate with clarity. There are times when all an adult needs to get things done in good time is to think like an innocent child.
Years back, after exchanging pleasantries with my son in a telephone conversation, I asked him – “what are you doing now?” and he answered “I am talking to you”. Thinking he didn’t hear my question, I asked again what he was doing and he repeated he was talking to me. The young man was right. What I meant was what he was doing before he picked my call but I left him to assume. He chose not to assume. I would be wrong to blame him.
Communication is not the same as conversation. Sometimes, we mix them up when we leave the conversation open and leave room for assumptions. You can have a conversation with someone without communicating if the follow up action is not clearly stated. Most gists among friends fall into this category. Many times, the crux of the gist are forgotten the next minute because nothing depends on it.
Communication is a two way thing. A message must be passed and understood. If necessary, questions must be asked and answers provided to clear all ambiguities, particularly when there is a deliverable. Sometimes, people resort to half communication and reserve the other half for fear of a disagreeable outcome but a disagreement at the end, when remedial action is belated, is riskier than a disagreement that deals with the problem headlong at the beginning.
We get carried away when we want to correct a mistake that we focus on the mistake but still complain when the same mistake is repeated. To correct a mistake, you must state your expectation, what was done wrongly and how you expect it to be done in future. If all you do is scold someone for wrongdoing without stating your expectation, there was a conversation but no communication.
Sometimes, you may have to assume yourself as the receiver of your message to be sure you can hear yourself clearly the same way you want to be heard by the other party. If need be, solicit for question from the receiver of your message to confirm clarity and remove any ambiguity.
In any relationship, official, social, marital or parental, avoiding difficult conversations may look convenient but it breeds ambiguity. Ambiguity breeds anxiety. Anxiety breeds suspicion and strains relationships. Disagreement is part of communication, avoidance of it is lack of communication. It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
Any questions?
Akin Oluwadare Jnr
14 September 2026
