There was a mini debate among the co-contestants with former President Barrack Obama in the build-up to the 2008 presidential elections in America. A question was posed to the contestant sitting next to him (I can’t remember his name). For whatever reason, he forgot the answer to the question. What did Obama do? He whispered the answer to him and saved him the embarrassment. The latter thanked President Obama, then a Senator representing Illinois.
To President Obama, dissent in politics should be about issues and not about persons in their vulnerable states. He gains nothing if his contender was publicly humbled. Obama relied on his strength but not his opponent’s weakness. He won the election and became the 44th President of The United States. He was re-elected in 2012. Let that sink.
This piece is not about party politics, neither is it about America and Nigeria, even as tempers rise. I simply want to show you how you can present your dissenting views decently, in no condescending manner, whether in the workplace, social settings, or the society at large.
If your dignity has not been trampled upon in your workplace before, you are lucky. If your authority has not been undermined by those you supervise, it does not mean it cannot happen. If you have not been betrayed by those you trust to cover your weak points, you are not immune. If you ever experience any of these, you can still choose to dissent decently and keep your head high.
Maybe you are fond of attracting attention publicly, and with a loud voice, to what your colleague(s) didn’t do right to prove that you are better than the rest, it is not a proof of emotional intelligence. You earn more respect when you privately correct what can publicly diminish the stature of your peers and you will still remain your good self.
What you consider your best idea may not catch the fancy of the next fellow, not because it is not a good idea but because he’s seeing it from a broader or narrower lens. That his idea at that moment sounds stupid does not make him a stupid man. You can question the rationality of his idea without questioning the human in him, nor the brain in his skull. Be proud of your choice but don’t disrespect others for their preference.
Sometimes, we create humorous jokes around the weak points of those we want to correct to convey our dissent to an approach not achieving results. Laughing at such jokes can subtly pass your message but be sure your joke is causing others to laugh at the joke but not the subject. Laughing at a joke is not the same as laughing at the subject. The latter is capable of diminishing the stature of the person at the centre of the joke.
Very often, we talk about the golden rule – do unto others as you want them to do unto you – but some people don’t want you to treat them the way you want to be treated. They simply want you to treat them the way they want to be treated without any harm to your feelings. That is the platinum rule.
People can offend you for so many reasons. There are times when walking away gently becomes your best option. Wise counsel would tell you to close the door gently. I would rather leave the door ajar and pretend not to know it is not closed, in case I have to walk through it again.
I am learning to choose my words even when I am extremely offended. Your greatest offender today may be the judge in your case tomorrow. He will remember how humane you were to him, even when you didn’t have to be. Disagree if you have to, yet respect boundaries. Dissent, but do it decently.
A good start begets a great finish. Welcome, November.
©️ Akin Oluwadare Jnr
03 November 2025
