Has it ever happened to you before that you came out of the exams hall to realise that you got the answer to a question wrong, not because you didn’t know the answer but because you didn’t understand the question? If it has not happened to you before, you are a genius. It has happened to me a few times.
Sometimes, you meet a stranger and just immediately after the normal introduction and exchange of pleasantries, you realise that you have forgotten his name. It is because you heard him but did not listen to him. Many times we mistake hearing for listening, the two are not the same.
I was put to the test of listening a few years back and I didn’t pass. I visited an office where I worked before and a junior staff whispered to me that he had a request to make before I leave the premises. Time to go, he approached me. As he started talking I slipped a few Naira notes in his palm. Of course, he was happy and he thanked me.
He tucked in the Naira notes neatly in his pocket and continued. He needed me to help sign his cousin’s application who was seeking employment in the organisation. I was impressed and I signed the application but I felt embarrassed by myself to have misjudged the young man, thinking his mission was to ask me for money. He asked for one but he got two. I got more than two, I learnt a life lesson.
Be it professional, social, marital, familial, many relationships enter auto cruise mode because the parties only hear themselves but don’t truly listen to what is being said. Many times, what is not being said, hidden in body language, is louder than what is being said but we apply the wrong medication to the right ailment when we think we know the answer but did not listen to understand the question.
There are many reasons you may think you listened to a conversation when you merely heard. You may not be interested in the topic. You may not be interested in the speaker. You may have also formed an opinion irrespective of the speaker’s different perspective that may open you up to an informed opinion.
Sometimes, you may have to separate the speaker from the topic if the conversation is of value to you because the solution you seek may not reside with the voice that sounds melodious. The path to progress, sometimes, hides in a critical voice that means no harm. You need an open mind to discern.
Just as there are no two identical people on earth, so are there no two problems that are exactly the same. They may look alike but if the dramatis personae are different, if the location is different, if timing is of essence, there is no guarantee that the same solution will cure two problems that look alike.
Undivided attention is not enough in effective communication. There is a difference between attentive listening and active listening. You may have a conversation without communicating if you did not listen actively. The devil, they say, is in the details. Before you start attempting the answer, do you even understand the question?
©️ Akin Oluwadare Jnr.
24 November 2025
