It was about a week to my mother’s passage in 2019. I had taken her to the hospital to review her test results. As we waited for our turn to see the consultant, my mum fixed her gaze on me for a long time without me paying attention. I was busy doing some office work on my tablet.
She got my attention when she suddenly started praying for me with deep emotions. That kind of blessing that comes from the depth of the heart of a parent indeed. She marveled at how I moved my office to the clinic for her sake. My mother probably forgot that she gave all she had, including her comfort, so I could live.
The consultant cardiologist told me my mother’s heart was already enlarged and her age was betraying her strength. This was a woman who survived a stroke eleven years earlier shortly after she turned 70. A second stroke would be a devastating experience, I thought aloud.
As we came out, my mum asked me what the doctor said. That was a very difficult question anyone would prefer not to be asked. I told her the doctor said she was going to be alright but she had to be faithful to her medical prescriptions.
At that moment my faith shook and I resorted to self denial. No, I was not about to lose this woman after all she’s been through. A week later my mum passed at the age of 82. May her kind soul continue to rest in peace.
This piece is not even about my mum. Be it your health, career, marriage, or your social circles, some difficult questions are meant to be answered honestly, even if only to yourself and in your closet at the moment of truth.
Self denial is not all bad in itself. Sometimes, it prepares you to adjust your mindset to draw strength from your weakness and see clearly. What you should avoid is when you find succour in self denial and begin to swim in the pool of self delusion.
Many careers suffer hitches because of unanswered difficult questions that look like answers in self denial. It is okay to be anxious momentarily if it would aid you faster to confront your fears.
Many strained relationships become irreparable because of the avoidance of the difficult questions for fear of being wrong. It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
Sometimes, we avoid imagining the worst case scenario and are left with no response if we are confronted with an outcome we least expected. Assuming the worst case scenario is not lack of faith. It only prepares you for a coordinated response to an unexpected outcome.
I am yet to see a mortal who does not feel good with good news about himself but what you like to hear may not be what you need to grow. What you need to grow may hide in a voice that sounds unfriendly. You need wisdom to discern the two.
You may find safety in not answering the difficult question but that is dodgy and also unsafe. The answer you seek may disguise around the risk you pretend does not exist. Risk taking has timing too. The risk you fail to take at the right time is a risk in itself. Think about that.
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
10 November 2025
